The Four Agreements Book Summary and Review by Don Miguel Ruiz

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The Four Agreements is a step-by-step manual for personal freedom written by Don Miguel Ruiz, a shaman’s student. He is an authority on the ancient Toltecs, an indigenous Mexican people group who produced brave warriors and talented artists circa 1,000 years ago. The attitude of the Toltecs toward emancipation from self-defeating attitudes that could result in pain in a person’s life is the foundation of the book.

The Four Agreements has had a significant impact on society. Oprah Winfrey’s endorsements in 2001 and 2013 have only increased the book’s popularity since it was first published in 1997. The book spent more than ten years on the New York Times bestseller list and has been translated into 46 languages. It has also sold over 8 million copies in the US.

the four agreements book summary

Don Miguel Ruiz

Mexican novelist Don Miguel Ruiz is influenced by neoshamanic and spiritualist literature from the Toltec people. He was nurtured by a nagual (shaman) grandfather and a curandero (healer) mother in rural Mexico, where he was born into a family of healers. His family had expected him to continue the Toltec knowledge and their centuries-old tradition of healing and teaching. Instead, Ruiz went to medical school and became a surgeon because modern life kept him preoccupied.

His life was altered by a near-death experience. He was so taken aback by the encounter that he started a rigorous self-inquiry practice. He committed himself to master ages-old ancestor knowledge. He diligently studied with his mother and finished an apprenticeship in the Mexican desert under a strong shaman. He named one of Watkins’ 100 most significant living spiritual figures in 2018.

The Outside World Domesticates You Negatively

How we live our life is significantly influenced by the outside world. “Domestication” is Ruiz’s term for this.

Domestication tends to make us scared and judgmental, which is often not a good thing. We become fixated on rewards because we are rewarded for good behavior and penalized for disobeying authority figures. This is bad for us because it instils in us the idea that doing good things will get us rewards. For the deed itself, we should strive for excellent actions. We experience self-doubt as a result of being punished for disobeying.

Ruiz concludes from this that our greatest fear in life—rather than death—is becoming who we truly are. We need to throw off our chains in order to truly be joyful.

From a Young Age, You Have Been Chained

These constraints start to set in at a young age. The life goals we can pursue are limited by the societal standards into which we are born. Our individual dreams are influenced by the planet’s collective dream. We learn about this common aspiration from our parents, schools, churches, and political leaders.

Through this instruction, we discover:

How to act in a “correct” manner
What we ought to think
The distinction between right and wrong

Our acceptance of these societal agreements is our domestication. If we tried to rebel during childhood or adolescence, we were punished and suppressed by more powerful parents and teachers. Just like an animal, we were also rewarded when we obeyed these more powerful individuals. Subsequently, we all surrendered and followed the collective dream, not our individual dreams. But as we grow older, we no longer need a more powerful person to domesticate and control us.

These ideas from our upbringing are so in-built that we domesticate ourselves as adults. We can break free from this structure and establish new agreements for ourselves. These are the four agreements.

You Are Living in a Dream

Much of human conduct is influenced by cultural norms and societal upbringing. “Domestication” is Ruiz’s term for this. We all become domesticated and begin to dream. We make choices based on erroneous and flawed beliefs about ourselves. We develop a judgmental and victimising mindset as children. We seek benefits from a system that wasn’t our choice.

Our perception of the world and of ourselves is shaped by this programming. Instead of following our true nature, it causes us to live by a set of internalized standards that we have learned through our culture, family, and society.

Dreams cause us to wrestle with

  • Our individual reality
  • How we perceive ourselves
  • The goals that we set for ourselves
  • The evaluations we make about others and ourselves

Realizing that we are dreaming allows us to:

  • Examine the assumptions underpinning your conduct.
  • Modify how we perceive reality
  • Release limiting assumptions and opinions
  • Begin to live our lives more really

We can live in a more fulfilling way, free from the demands of society and our inner voice, by becoming aware of the ways we are conditioned.

Dreams Can Wake You Up

It’s possible to awaken from the dream we’re now experiencing. You don’t have to constantly strive to improve yourself to change your world. It is possible to live pain-free. You will require the following three skills, in order, to accomplish this:

  • Awareness: You need to be aware that you’re in a state that resembles a dream and is full of illusions. You also need to recognise these illusions for what they are.
  • Acceptance of the effects of these illusions—how they affect you and people around you—is necessary for forgiveness.
  • You must disintegrate this dream and reshape it into something that is more accurate to reality.

You will have attained enlightenment if you are able to master all three abilities. This is a pain-free state that is also known as the second awakening.

Accept both life and death

The idea of death will teach us how to conduct our lives, so we must accept it.

By accepting death, we can realise that life is finite and that we should take advantage of the time we have. We may let go of our worries and attachments and begin to live our lives the way we actually want to by acknowledging the transient nature of existence.

We can live our lives in accordance with our own values and beliefs by letting go of other people’s expectations. We may put our attention on living our lives rather than worrying about what other people might think.

We can try to live as much in the now as we can by listening to the angels of death. Without being bound to the idea of life, we can enjoy it. We don’t waste time thinking about the future or remembering the past when we are living in the present. We can instead concentrate on having fun and making the most of the time we do have.

Awareness Is the Starting Line for Your Journey

Ruiz wants us to understand that death is necessary for experiencing our lives and that they are like dreams. To understand that our existence is merely a dream and that we shall eventually pass away, awareness is necessary.

However, as you go about your life, your awareness can start to wane. You suddenly find yourself awake and not dreaming. Then you stop being conscious of how you live. We must learn how to sustain consciousness in addition to how to develop awareness. Like a muscle, develop your awareness. The only path to genuine, sustained insight is to do this action.

Fasting and meditation are two techniques to increase and sustain your awareness. The path of awareness, fasting, and meditation was clearly laid out by the Buddha. Ruiz thinks we should imitate his actions. He also says it’s crucial to eat a plant-based diet. Throughout history, plants have changed how humans have experienced the world. This recommendation is based on Native American shaman traditions.

You will learn forgiveness if you grow in awareness.

Forgiving our past and present shortcomings brought on by our beliefs is the forgiveness Ruiz associates with awareness. It is about forgiving ourselves for allowing our illusions to harm us and people around us. The last step is to forgive others for the agony that their dreams cause.

The basis of universal love is universal acceptance. You will experience a tremendous weight being lifted off your shoulders once you decide to accept the world and the people in it. This increased acceptability does not guarantee that you will always meet your standards. Both you and others will falter. But acknowledging your humanness and these errors can help you keep your awareness.

When you are able to forgive, you are able to act.

Ruiz emphasises in The Four Agreements that forgiveness creates the room, energy, and strength necessary to transform your reality.

Three behaviors are encouraged by forgiveness:

  • Preventing new, unwanted agreements from taking root. By forgiving ourselves and others, we can break free from negative patterns of behavior and thought. When we forgive, we can let go of resentment and anger. Forgiveness can prevent us from forming new, harmful agreements with ourselves and others.
  • preventing the establishment of new, undesirable agreements. We can release ourselves from unfavorable thought and behavior patterns by forgiving ourselves and others. We can let go of bitterness and anger when we forgive. We can avoid making destructive new agreements with ourselves and others by practicing forgiveness.
  • creating new contracts that gradually end misery. We can establish fresh, constructive agreements with both ourselves and others by forgiving. We get serenity, fulfilment, and happiness thanks to these new accords. Holding on to unfavorable feelings and thoughts causes misery, which can be avoided through forgiving others.

Not something you do for someone else, but something you do for yourself is forgiveness. By forgiving someone, you can release yourself from the crushing weight of hurt, resentment, and fury. You can let go and move on, making room for brighter times and brand-new rewarding experiences.

Each of us is pursuing their own dream.

We must not only accept our dreamlike state of existence, but also comprehend others. Ruiz teaches us that we are only accountable to ourselves and not to anyone else.

We cannot be harmed by other people’s behavior if we recognize that we are no longer accountable for them. When we are aware that others are acting solely in accordance with their own idealized reality, we are less likely to take actions against us personally. This, according to Ruiz, is resistant to the emotional poison of other people. You can navigate the world with ease if you stay away from this mental poison.

It’s also possible to increase your heart’s ability to guide your life by not taking things personally. You won’t be as influenced by other people’s ideas and deeds. You’ll be guided by your objective reality.

Ruiz expands on these concepts by presenting the four agreements as four distinct takeaways that must be followed.

The first stipulation is to “Be Perfect with Your Word.”

Although the first agreement is the most crucial, it is frequently the hardest to uphold. The Latin word for “sin” and a Latin prefix for “without” are the roots of the English term “impeccable.”

Sin is something that is in opposition to your identity. Therefore, keeping your promise implies taking responsibility for your deeds and refraining from passing judgement on others or yourself.

According to Ruiz, words have more power than we are aware of. They serve as the foundation for labels, ideas, and beliefs. Before employing words, we must exercise caution lest we produce brand-new, damaging delusions. Developing the practice of only saying what you intend and only meaning what you say is the simplest approach to achieve this. When in doubt, keep quiet.

“Don’t Take Anything Personally” Is The Second Agreement.

You can avoid harm by not taking things personally because doing so keeps you from taking other people’s comments personally. Imagine that the person who is insulting you is poisonous, and that the words they are saying are poison aimed at you. You will consume their poison if you take their jabs personally. If you consume their poison, you will experience victimhood and have trouble thinking coherently.

You don’t need the approval of others to be happy if you have a strong sense of self. We must learn to be more detached from other people’s activities and less reactive. We must admit that if we were in that person’s reality, we would act similarly. Anger, resentment, envy, and grief can all go if we stop taking things personally.

The tendency to personalise situations might result in importance. When we are in this mindset, we tend to take things more personally because we think the world revolves around ourselves. This forces us to continually worry about what other people may think.

Nothing that people say or do to you has anything to do with you; everything they do is for them. Insults are frequently related to a person’s personal problems or views. Ruiz advises against relying on the opinions of others for information because they are seldom pertinent. Instead, concentrate on improving and accepting yourself.

The third agreement is, “Don’t Assume.”

Suffering results from making assumptions. Many times, assumptions have little substance in reality and just exist in our minds. It’s possible for thinking about other people’s opinions to cause stress or disagreement. Since people frequently believe their presumptions to be true, they frequently have unfavourable effects.

We must engage in clear communication with others and pose inquiries in order to break this tendency. Communication that is open and honest stops presumptions from taking root. You may steer clear of misunderstandings, sadness, and drama by adhering to this agreement. The simplest method to adhere to this commitment is to pay attention whenever someone says or does something that goes against your preconceived notions. In these situations, keep in mind that you are the one who is misunderstood, not them.

Assumptions gone awry can damage our relationships. For instance, people frequently believe that their partners are aware of their thoughts. They may come to believe that their partners will comply as a result. They frequently feel dissatisfied or furious with their lover when this isn’t the case. To prevent creating assumptions, we should ask more questions.

Do your best at all times is the fourth agreement.

The best that is physically feasible is not what is meant by “doing your best.” It refers to exerting as much personal control as possible, which will depend on the situation and your circumstances at the time.

Adopting the first three agreements into your daily life is one method to try your best. By doing this, you can steer clear of remorse and acknowledge that everyone works as hard as they can every day. Instead of just enjoying the benefits of your acts, you’ll start to appreciate the action itself.

Instead of pursuing our goals due of outside incentive, we should work hard because it makes us happy. He gives the pay as an example. We won’t ever perform to our full potential if money is our only driving force at work. Even though our jobs are well-paying, we won’t be happy or fulfilled in them. After that, we’ll look for happiness in other places, like partying, drinking, and engaging in other risky activities during our leisure time.

Your work will start to feel effortless if achieving your best entails exerting yourself because you enjoy the undertaking. The final commitment, to always do your best, will strengthen the other three agreements and aid in your liberation in this way.

Three Roads Lead to Freedom

  • Being conscious of our own ideas, feelings, and behaviours as well as how they affect how we live our lives. We can overcome limiting beliefs and behaviours that hold us back by becoming more aware of who we are and how we interact with the world.
  • To achieve freedom and make changes in our lives that last, discipline is necessary. It entails committing to consistently acting in the direction of your goals, especially when it is challenging, and creating specific goals. As opposed to allowing our thoughts and emotions to rule us, it also entails learning to control them.
  • Death: Although it may seem paradoxical, Ruiz contends that the idea of death can serve as a strong catalyst for transformation and a powerful incentive. Knowing that we only have a finite amount of time on earth can motivate us to live life to the fullest and follow our passions and aspirations with greater vigour.

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