How to Win Friends and Influence People Book Summary By Dale Carnegie

/ Self-Development, Business, Personality Development, Productivity / By

Dale Carnegie

While attending State Teacher’s College in Warrensburg, Dale Carnegie participated actively in debating clubs. He worked as a sales agent in Nebraska and an actor in New York City after receiving his degree, but his true passion was public speaking. He began instructing in front of groups at the Young Men’s Christian Association (YMCA). He eventually lectured to filled halls as a result of the influence of these talks.

Carnegie made the decision to start his own public speaking school as a result of this achievement. His teaching strategies continue to be used in public speaking classes today. A certificate from Dale Carnegie’s public speaking course hangs in Warren Buffett’s office. Buffett is only one of many prosperous individuals who attribute a portion of their success to the author.

how to win friends and influence book summary

When it was released in 1936, How to Win Friends and Influence People immediately became a bestseller. The author of five other books and well-known public speaking trainer Dale Carnegie was already well-known. This book has turned out to be the most well-liked of his 11 published works. During the author’s lifetime, it sold more than five million copies, and more than ten million more have been sold subsequently.

Carnegie studied the lives of famous people, including Thomas Edison and Julius Caesar. He also conducted interviews with notable figures like Clark Gable and Franklin D. Roosevelt. He wrote a book that became one of the best-selling books of all time based on these discoveries. The book is based on a 14-week public speaking and human relations course he taught.

Develop Your People Skills

  • It is inherently human nature to reject criticism and defend one’s behaviour. The proverb “If you want to gather honey, don’t kick over the beehive” applies here. But if you want to succeed, you need to stop being so protective.
  • The difficult task of making others feel significant is known as “the big secret of dealing with people.” You will possess the secret of dealing with people if you can pull it off. Everyone has knowledge that you don’t. So, in every interaction, try to learn something new. If you do this, you’ll give the other individual a sense of importance.
  • “The entire world is behind whoever can do this. When you go fishing, you don’t bait the hook with the strawberries you’d like to snack on. He who cannot, walks a lonely route. You utilise worms, which the fish prefer. However, people saunter into conversations and chat about their desires. Time and energy were wasted completely on this. As an alternative, you should always consider what the other person wants. Explain your position by putting yourself in their shoes.

Demonstrate to others your interest in them

By demonstrating interest in them, you may win people over in the easiest way possible. Keeping track of and remembering people’s birthdays is one easy approach to accomplish this. People enjoy being recalled. People enjoy admiration and being asked for assistance. Therefore, whenever you ask someone for something, let them know they are the only one who can assist you. Ask for precisely what you need when you ask. Finally, make it as simple as you can for them to complete the task.

Carnegie shares a number of tales about people who actually cared about the other person. Frequently, this fascination had nothing at all to do with what they required of them. When you take this tack, you frequently get what you ask for. You will outperform all sales strategies in the world if you can successfully convey real interest.

Give a positive first impression by smiling

A smile conveys your enjoyment and happiness to the other person. Nevertheless, a fake smile won’t help you. So, before you grin, give thanks for what you already have. Our internal state determines our level of happiness, not our external circumstances. Our internal state as thoughts can be managed. In order to make your smiles seem more genuine, try to think favorably of other people.

Learn initial names from individuals and then use them

A single mother raised Jim Farley at the beginning of the 19th century. When he was ten years old, he began working as a bricklayer. He received minimal formal education. Farley, however, became the Democratic National Committee Chairman, the Postmaster General of the United States, and the person in charge of putting Roosevelt in the White House.

The key to Farley’s success was his ability to address 50,000 people by their first names. Every time he met someone, he inquired about their name, number of children, occupation, and political beliefs. He was able to visualize the scene as a result. Someone will like you if you remember and utilize their name.

encourage individuals to talk about themselves

Discover the other person’s interests. Encourage them to talk about themselves, but avoid interjecting. The majority of people start a discussion by looking for points of commonality. You may have trouble locating this common interest at times. Therefore, it is safer to pay active attention and concentrate on the other person’s main interests. They will think you are a great conversationalist if you do this.

Effective conversers can help cool down tense situations. All you need to do is remain silent while the other person tells their narrative until they are satisfied with how they have portrayed themselves. You ought to be able to approach the issue from their perspective by that stage.

Know about the likes of others

Teddy Roosevelt would remain up late to read about a topic that the individual was interested in before a meeting the following day. Your focus should be on discovering the other person’s passion. This does not imply that you should bring up the topic right away. You’ll be more successful if you let the topic naturally come up.

Make individuals feel Necessary & Valuable

Ask yourself, “What can I honestly admire about them?” whenever you meet someone. As we’ve already established, everyone seeks affirmation, acclaim, and a sense of significance. You don’t need much to accomplish all of those things.

You should get in the habit of doing this with everyone you encounter, including coworkers at the post office. Make it a habit, and it will enhance your outcomes and relationships along with the other habits we have learnt about.

Discussions Are mostly not worthy of your time

Your opponent will still hate you after you shoot them down with your amazing intelligence and understanding. Both ways result in your loss. Simply put, arguing isn’t worth your time.

It’s crucial to keep in mind the effects of making individuals feel valued. Some dispute to make themselves feel important. Instead of arguing, you might recognize their significance to counteract this. By doing this, you give their ego some breathing room, and you might discover that they start to sympathies with your cause.

How to Stay Away from Enemies

Never waste time attempting to disprove someone. Each of us has cognitive biases that we can’t help but use. When you believe that someone else is to blame, Carnegie advises using the following script:

“Well, look at that! Although I may be mistaken, I believed otherwise. I am quite often. And I want to be corrected if I’m mistaken. Let’s review the information.

If you realize you are mistaken, you must accept responsibility. Quickly, frankly, and enthusiastically admit it. The only way the other person can maintain their own self-esteem is to defend you when you blame yourself. The ability to recognize your mistakes is a strong tool, even when the other party’s objectives are obviously at odds with your own.

One of Elbert Hubbard’s newspaper pieces was once criticised by a reader in their letter. The renowned American author’s response is as follows: “Now that I give it some thought, I’m not sure I agree with it entirely myself. Not everything of what I wrote yesterday still resonates with me. I’m interested to know your thoughts on the matter. Visit us the next time you are in the area so we can finally settle this dispute once and for all. So let’s shake hands across the distance and say, “Yours Sincerely,”

In response to rage, be friendly

We will never persuade the other person if we react in wrath. Anger should be met with friendship, empathy, and admiration instead. This will transform a tense situation into a useful one. According to former US President Woodrow Wilson,

“If you arrive at me with your fists clenched, I think I can guarantee you that mine will clench just as fast as yours; however, if you come to me and say, “Let us sit down and take advice around each other, and, if humans diverge from one another, comprehend why it is we differ from another, exactly what the points at issue are,” we will eventually notice that we are not as far apart as we thought, that the points on which we disagree are limited and the in Woodrow Wilson

Highlight the Aspects You and Another Person Share

Never start a conversation by outlining how your viewpoint varies from that of the other person. Instead, focus on your points of agreement first. Remind everyone engaged that even though your favourite methods may differ, you are all working toward the same goal. That shared objective can be found by a good influencer.

As a result, the other side agrees to let you express your opinions. A person must be true to themselves out of “pride of personality.” It is difficult to influence someone’s response, so it is best to establish the course of events before you start. Get a “Yes” from the other person right away.

Quit referring to your accomplishments.

Let people talk things out on their own when they have a complaint. Talking about yourself during an interview is not advisable. Get the interviewer to talk about themselves by asking about their early life. If you want enemies, outperform your friends; yet, if you want friends, let your friends outperform you, as legendary French moralist La Rochefoucauld once remarked. Talking about your successes won’t make you more popular. Leave most of the talking to the other person.

You shouldn’t have to give yourself credit for an idea either. You will find it lot simpler if the other side lets the idea become their own. Cooperation will be more likely from them. Don’t discuss what you need when you’re in need.

Never judge others.

A person always has a rationale for their thoughts and behaviours. Instead than passing judgement, look for that explanation. Then, you will be in a position to influence their behaviour and perhaps personality.

If you just take one thing away from this book, Carnegie advises, make it the habit of sincerely attempting to comprehend the perspectives of others. Recognize their motivations behind their opinions rather than just their content.

If you shared the same temperament, surroundings, and experiences as the other person in the conversation, you would see the world from their point of view. Even though we may disagree on the relative importance of nature vs. nurture, it is crucial to respect the other person’s feelings and point of view.

Say if you understand their viewpoint.

One of the most influential bankers of all time, J.P. Morgan, famously stated that there are typically two motivations behind every action: the genuine motivation and the motivation that sounds nice. By giving individuals that justification, you can appeal to their higher motivations. Speak and behave as if they are at their best.

Make circumstances exciting or challenging

Just telling the truth is insufficient. We must make the truth compelling, dramatic, and vivid. Words are not nearly as memorable as a demonstration. Instead of telling others what you believe, demonstrate it.

Charles Schwab, a well-known investor, once worked with a mill manager whose employees weren’t hitting their output targets. Everything that the mill manager had tried had failed. Schwab only enquired as to how many items the mill’s day shift had produced before recording the figure on the mill floor in chalk.

The new staff enquired as to the meaning of the number when the night shift arrived. The team made one more than the day shift had after finding out the cause, and they recorded that number on the floor. The day shift produced even more since they didn’t want to be exposed.

Up to that point, the plant’s most productive mill was created using this procedure.

Here, it is important not to intentionally pit people against one another. Present a test. Among the most effective motivators are the enjoyment of the game and the opportunity to validate one’s value. So, if you want to motivate people, add some competition.

Object to Others Without Turning Against Them

Start with an open appreciation of what someone has done well before pointing up a flaw in their behaviour. After doing so, you might even discover that the other person admits to a mistake they made and offers to make it right.

Another option is to set an example. The customer was waiting at the counter unattended when Wanamaker’s department store president John Wanamaker was making his daily rounds through the flagship shop. At the other end of the counter, store employees were chatting and joking.

Don’t Act Like You Are Better Than Others

When someone is being criticized, it’s much simpler to accept when they own their own shortcomings. If you must criticize someone directly, start by pointing out how you have made mistakes or have weaknesses in other areas.

You may keep people’s dignity and sense of significance by asking inquiries rather than giving them orders directly.

A genius in electricity who wasn’t qualified to lead a department was once replaced as the head of one of General Electric’s divisions. General Electric renamed him “Consulting Engineer of the General Electric Company” rather than demoting him.

We rarely consider saving someone else’s face, yet it frequently doesn’t require much work and has a significant impact. Additionally, you’ll achieve far better outcomes by complimenting them when they complete even the smallest task well than by scolding them when they fall short.

Make exceeding expectations enjoyable

People will feel pressured to live up to whatever reputation you give them, which is a truth of human nature. If you tell someone they are diligent, honest, or possess any other virtue, they usually live up to it—even if their past behaviour suggested otherwise.

Carnegie recalls a time when he told a friend he couldn’t play bridge because it was too difficult for him. It’s not a trick at all, his pal retorted. Other than memory and judgement, there is nothing to connect. Your chapter about memory was previously published. It is perfect for you.

People will feel pressured to live up to whatever reputation you give them, which is a truth of human nature. If you tell someone they are diligent, honest, or possess any other virtue, they usually live up to it—even if their past behavior suggested otherwise.

Carnegie recalls a time when he told a friend he couldn’t play bridge because it was too difficult for him. It’s not a trick at all, his pal retorted. Other than memory and judgement, there is nothing to connect. Your chapter about memory was previously published. It is perfect for you.

Carnegie encourages us to plan forward by anticipating the needs of the other person, promoting an analytical and proactive approach to interpersonal interactions. It’s straightforward because it is. Simply being able to put other people before oneself is the key to effective relationships. One of the most practical relationship books of all time, this book provides lessons and insights on how to do so practically in everyday life.

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