Two of the most well-known psychologists in the world explore the idea of love and relationships in their book Happy Together, which teaches readers how to create and maintain happy, thriving relationships and how to maximize their married life by concentrating on the positive and handling the negative in a healthy way.
Relationships may be challenging. These are among the world’s most complicated objects. Everything we do is based on or stems from our interactions with other people. However, when it comes to love relationships, things get even more difficult because being a pair calls for a great deal of consideration, commitment, and understanding on the part of both parties.
Among other things, it takes courage to choose to live by someone and embrace both their virtues and shortcomings. By doing this, you give them the chance to be vulnerable and reveal their weaknesses while also giving them a glimpse of your own. A romantic connection is lovely, intense, difficult, and even heartbreaking.
And while many psychologists, life coaches, books, and other authors claim to have the secret to the perfect marriage, James O. Pawelski, the author of Happy Together by Suzann Pileggi Pawelski, chooses to take a more realistic approach to the subject: marriages can be difficult, but they can also be successful.
Exercise regularly in relationships just like you would at a regular gym.
The authors contend that our gym workout regimens and how relationships function are related. It takes ongoing effort to maintain a successful marriage by strengthening the areas that need improvement. When you start to experience the benefits of the excellent regimen you’ve been using, you’ll want to keep doing it.
In a marriage, the same holds true. You’ll want to regularly include items in your “routine” once you realise how well-functioning certain things are for you and your partner. Let’s imagine, for instance, that you discover that going on a weekly date helps you rekindle your relationship with your partner. Thus, establish it as a routine and adhere to it. You will become closer and maintain your love if you do this. After all, falling in love is simple, but maintaining it is harder.
This idea’s underlying philosophy has a long history. The Stoics advocated constantly pursuing good habits until you like them and they essentially become the same thing, or as they put it, “until the will to good becomes a disposition to good.” Make it a habit to look out for your partner, to actively spend time with them, and to develop memories with them. Encourage them to match your degree of commitment in order to establish a lovely and organic way of living together.
For the best results in your relationship, use the SNAP method.
The writers created a winning formula called SNAP that can improve your connection. These abbreviations refer to four guidelines that each couple should follow:
Strong Beginnings
Without exceptions
Always take action.
Exercise your willpower.
Let’s examine these bits of advise one at a time. Starting strong entails being steadfast in your commitment to your new objective.
You can do this by making your intentions known to the public. If your friends and family don’t know your preferences, they can’t support you, and it’s much harder to break your word once everyone is counting on you to do something. No excuses entails not pausing to work towards our objectives. We often lose focus and have to start the process over again when we indulge in breaks or certain special pleasures.
Always acting entails achieving our goals of developing healthy routines. even if we don’t feel like it and find it bothersome at first. To strengthen our willpower and be prepared for it when the circumstance calls for it, we must choose to do something difficult each day just for the sake of doing it.
To advance your relationship, use the VIA survey and make a public commitment to your spouse.
The authors used phrases and ideas from a very long time ago to help them clarify their understanding of the ideal of love. As a result, their conception of a soulmate is based on eudaimonia, which is Greek for “good spirit.” This word describes a feeling of blessing, fortune, satisfaction, and unadulterated delight. According to Aristotle, in order to achieve this condition of being, we must find someone with whom to share it and who will also assist us both succeed in life.
Hence, eudaimonia is where the ancient philosopher found the concept of a soulmate. It takes a lot of effort and commitment to find someone with whom to share this emotion and keep them. Moreover, I am very familiar with them.
The authors advise using the VIA survey to discover more about your partner’s strengths, personality traits, love languages, and other characteristics. Then, meeting their wants and expectations will be simpler, and vice versa. Eudaimonia is what both spouses will experience if they cooperate properly.
The writers conclude by saying that love is an action verb and that the couples’ objectives ought to be made known to others. We are more inclined to follow through on formal, public pledges. Then, it will be challenging to retract our statements. For this reason, at wedding ceremonies, couples exchange vows in front of guests.
Lifelong commitment is a difficult task, but if your partner is an Aristotelian, it will be worthwhile.
Happy Together Book Review
“Happy Together” by Dr. Suzann Pileggi Pawelski and James O. Pawelski is a thoughtful and insightful guide to the science of happiness in romantic relationships. Drawing on research from psychology, neuroscience, and philosophy, the book offers practical advice and actionable strategies to help couples build and maintain lasting happiness.
The book is organized into three parts, with each section covering a different aspect of romantic happiness. In the first part, “Discovering Your Strengths”, the authors explain the importance of identifying and leveraging your personal strengths in a relationship. They introduce the concept of character strengths, such as kindness, curiosity, and humor, and show how couples can use these strengths to build intimacy, trust, and mutual respect.
The second part, “Building Your Relationship”, explores the key factors that contribute to a happy and fulfilling romantic partnership. The authors discuss topics such as communication, conflict resolution, and shared values, and provide practical exercises and tools to help couples strengthen these areas. They also address common challenges that arise in relationships, such as stress, infidelity, and boredom, and offer guidance on how to overcome them.
The final part, “Savoring Your Love”, focuses on the importance of gratitude, appreciation, and celebration in a happy relationship. The authors argue that by savoring the positive moments and experiences in a relationship, couples can build a stronger emotional connection and deepen their love over time. They offer tips on how to cultivate gratitude and celebrate milestones, and suggest creative ways to keep the spark alive in a long-term relationship.
One of the strengths of “Happy Together” is its evidence-based approach to happiness. The authors draw on a wealth of scientific research to support their recommendations, and they present the material in a clear and accessible way. The book is filled with real-life examples and anecdotes that illustrate the concepts and bring the ideas to life.
Another strength of the book is its focus on practical, actionable advice. The authors offer a wide range of exercises, quizzes, and tools to help couples apply the concepts to their own lives. These exercises are easy to follow and can be completed together as a couple, making the book an excellent resource for couples who want to improve their relationship.
That being said, some readers may find the book a bit repetitive or overly simplistic. The authors tend to reiterate key concepts throughout the book, which can be helpful for reinforcement but may also feel repetitive. Additionally, some of the advice may be familiar to readers who have already read other self-help books on relationships.
Overall, “Happy Together” is a valuable resource for couples who want to build a strong, happy, and lasting relationship. Whether you’re in a new relationship or have been together for years, the book offers practical advice and evidence-based insights to help you navigate the challenges and build a stronger connection with your partner. If you’re looking to improve your relationship and cultivate more happiness in your life, “Happy Together” is a must-read.
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