Never Split The Difference Book Summary

The most practical book on negotiation I’ve read, full with fantastic anecdotes and examples to assist bring you through the procedures.

It begins with the universally true concept that everyone wants to be recognized and appreciated. The simplest yet most powerful compromise we can make to get there is to listen. A negotiator who listens intently indicates empathy and a true effort to comprehend what the other side is going through.

The objective is to figure out what your counterparts genuinely need (financially, emotionally, or in any other way) and to make them feel secure enough to talk endlessly about what they desire.

One error all negotiators are prone to making is moving too quickly. People may feel as though they are not being heard if we are moving too quickly, and we run the risk of losing the rapport and trust we have established.

You ought to use the upbeat, jocular voice the majority of the time. That sounds like the voice of a laid-back, kind person. Your disposition is positive and upbeat. The trick in this situation is to remain calm and smile while speaking. Even when speaking on the phone, a smile has a tonal affect that the other person will notice.

People think more rapidly and are more willing to collaborate and solve problems when they are in a favourable frame of mind (instead of fight and resist). A smile on your face and in your voice will boost your own mental agility, and this is true for both the smile-er and the smile-ee.

A “mirror” is defined by the FBI as when someone repeats the final three words (or the crucial one to three words) of something they just stated. Mirroring is the method of hostage negotiation used by the FBI that comes closest to a Jedi mind trick.

You can activate this mirroring impulse by repeating back what others say. Your counterpart will certainly expand on what was said, which will continue the bonding process.

There are only four easy steps.

Employ the FM DJ voice of the wee hours.
Begin by saying, “I’m sorry.
Mirror.
Silence. Allow the mirror to do its magic on your counterpart for at least four seconds.
Repeat.
Most mirrors should have the phrase “Please help me comprehend” written on them.

What do you mean by it, ask someone? and you run the risk of provoking annoyance or defensiveness.

Seldom used is the direct or aggressive voice. will lead to issues and opposition.

In order to have more influence in the moments that follow, tactical empathy is being able to hear what is going on beneath another person’s sentiments and mindset in the present. It draws our attention to both the prospective solutions and the emotional barriers to reaching an agreement.

It seems less frightening when negative sentiments, such as “It looks like you don’t want to go back to jail,” are exposed to the light of day.

And whenever I mess up, which is often, I always acknowledge the other person’s rage. I’ve discovered that saying “Look, I’m an asshole” is an incredibly effective method to solve issues.

According to research, the easiest method to handle negativity is to simply watch it without responding or passing judgement. Then, deliberately identify each unpleasant emotion and swap it out for thoughts that are uplifting, kind, and solution-focused.

Yet, “Yes” is frequently a meaningless response that conceals deeper objections (and “Maybe” is much worse). Antagonizing the opposing side by insisting on “Yes” doesn’t help a negotiation prevail.

You must practise hearing “No” as anything other than rejection so that you can respond appropriately. You should consider the word “No” in one of its alternate, much more meaningful connotations when someone tells you “No”:

You are making me uncomfortable; I don’t understand; I don’t think I can afford it; I want something else; I need more information; or I want to discuss it with someone else. I’m not quite ready to agree.
In reality, there are three different types of “yes”: counterfeit, confirmation, and commitment.

A confirmation “yes” is typically harmless, a reflexive reaction to a binary inquiry; occasionally, it’s used to set up a trap, but most of the time, it’s just a basic affirmation without a commitment to take any particular action.

The genuine deal is a commitment “yes”; it is an actual agreement that results in action, a “yes” at the table that is followed by a signature on the contract.

Yet, if you immediately go for a “Yes,” your opponent will become defensive, apprehensive, and uneasy. Because of this, I advise my students to avoid opening a sales pitch with “Do you have a few minutes to talk?” Ask instead, “Is this the wrong moment to talk?” You either hear “Yes, it is a poor time,” followed by a “good time,” or a request to leave, or you hear “No, it’s not,” and you have all of their attention.

With this one-sentence email, you attempt to elicit a “No”. Have you abandoned this endeavour?

No doesn’t mean you failed. Because “No” is the opposite of “Yes,” we now know that it should be avoided at all costs.

Yet, it frequently only conveys the message “Wait” or “I’m not comfortable with that.”

Trigger it by saying “No,” which gives the speaker a sense of safety, security, and control.

In any discussion, the finest two words are “That’s right.”

Negotiators get better bargains when they inform their counterparts of their deadline. It is real. First, by disclosing your cutoff, you lessen the possibility of a deadlock. Also, when an adversary is aware of your deadline, he will move faster to the point of no return and make concessions.

You must convince them that they will lose something specific if the deal falls through in order to have actual leverage.

I advise you to let the other side set the terms of the negotiations.

So, once you’ve decided what you want, you can just state the price is little higher than your budgeted amount and ask for assistance by asking one of the all-time greatest calibrated questions: “How am I meant to do that?” The key to this strategy is to be sincere in your request for assistance, and your delivery must reflect that. Using this negotiation approach, instead of harassing the clerk, you’re asking for their advice and giving them the illusion of control.

“I’m really appreciative. I can’t thank you enough for your kindness. The truck is certainly likely worth more than my money,” I responded. “I’m sorry, but I’m unable to do that.”

The offer-counteroffer strategy is called the Ackerman model.

Decide on a target price (your goal).
65 percent of your desired price should be the initial offer price.
Compute three increases with descending steps (to 85, 95, and 100 percent).
Employ a lot of empathy and several “no” expressions to get the other side to respond before raising your offer.
Use specific, nonround numbers when determining the total sum, such as $37,893 rather than $38,000. It lends the number authority and significance.

Include a non-monetary item (something they probably don’t desire) in your final offer to demonstrate that you have reached your limit.
Regular, deliberate disagreement must be accepted as the cornerstone of successful negotiation and daily life.

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