How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less book review.
(How To Make People Like You Book Summary)
Are you hesitant to talk to people? Would you like to know? How can you make someone your best friend in less time? talk to others It is an important part of our life. The more hesitation you have in talking to a stranger. Equally hesitant to talk to that stranger with you. So, if you want to talk to someone. So how do you start it?
Apart from this, how will you reduce the hesitation of that stranger and prepare him to talk. This book answers these questions of yours. You will learn by reading this. How to talk to a stranger What is the importance of body language in talking? How by the movements of someone’s eyes, you can tell about his nature.
When you meet someone new. So within 90 seconds, your brain decides. What do you think about that person? Maybe you think this person is very smart. Very intelligent or very funny. Or maybe you think so. This man is so stupid. Too much is irritating. This guy is too serious.
Now in the same way, all the people you meet in your life. They all have an impression about you. in their mind. Would you like to know what that impression is? There is no way to read the mind of others. But the things you will read in this book summary. So it will definitely be guaranteed that people will always think good things about you. (How To Make People Like You Book Summary)
Concept of 90 Second.
Dr. Lisa Bergman, a Harvard University graduate. One of his studies has proved this. People who are afraid to connect with others. Or else they are not able to establish a quality relationship in their life. The chances of such people dying from mental illness increase 3 times more. Those people who are most similar. Whose social circle is good. (How To Make People Like You Book Summary)
Neither of those people have much diseases. Nor are there any chances of them dying early. That is, socialism is very important for us. You must have taken note. Sometimes there are people like this. Those are fun to see. If he comes to your gathering. so it seems. As if the gathering has come to life all of a sudden.
Bonding like this is not only necessary for your mental health. But this quality also has an impact on your success. , You must have observed. People who have a large social network. For them, it becomes quite easy to achieve their dreams. When your social network is big. So your colleagues or your collage friends. Will be able to tell you about the new opportunity. (How To Make People Like You Book Summary)
You will also be able to set up a blind date. And don’t know what. But to make this first impression, we have only 90 seconds. Only the first 90 seconds, let it decide. What does the other person think of you? Now what to do? In these 90 seconds, which can make a great first impression. Its disclosure further, will definitely benefit you. (How To Make People Like You Book Summary)
People Must Like You.
Why is it important that people like you? Because when people like us. So he sees the best aspects of us. But if, he doesn’t like us. So he sees our mistakes from the very beginning. Look at our shortcomings. If your manager likes you. So he will consider your self-confidence as a sign of your courage.
But if he doesn’t like it. So that is what he will think in his mind. What a rude person. This person is not good at all. Because he doesn’t like you. Of course, the question arises, how do people like the person. Of course, people like such a person. which is energetic. who is friendly. who are healthy. (How To Make People Like You Book Summary)
People by your body language, by your words, by the tone of your speech. Always assessing with your eyes, with your response. We cannot stop people from assessing. But we can turn people’s assessment in our favor. All these qualities, if we have to bring in ourselves. So it has to be brought within 90 seconds.
Our Qualities to Impress Others in 90 Seconds.
Whenever someone meets you for the first time. So he decides in 90 seconds. How did you like him? Whether you talk to him or not. This is not important. Being asked, no, to talk to you in 90 seconds. With 90 seconds of seeing you, for the next 90 seconds, he decides whether he wants to continue with you.
So first let’s understand that within 90 seconds, the person in front notes what our things are. So that you can also become a strong communicator. Whenever we meet someone. Then 3 parts of our entire conversation are created. The first is the meeting. Second communication and third which comes between these two. That is Rapport. (How To Make People Like You Book Summary)
Rapport is that stage. In which we get 90 second time. To make an emotional connection with anyone and impress them. So in every conversation in the world, you will always see these 3 stages. That’s why we have to focus equally on these three stages. So now you will understand that how you can use these three stages. To impress and make someone your own in under 90 seconds.
First Stage – MEETING.
For these 3 or 4 seconds, before the actual talk begins. Which is nonverbal communication between two people. It’s a meeting. In this time both the people decide. Is the other human sincere. Is it safe to talk? Can that be believed? To have a good meeting, the author has asked us to do 4 steps. (How To Make People Like You Book Summary)
- Be Open- Our body language should be given open singal for communication. If we keep our body close. This makes the other person feel. Either we are nervous. are scared. Or not interested in talking to them. Only open body language signals that we are confident. Interested in talking to another person.
- Eye Contact- If we make eye contact with someone. So he shows our positive attitude. This is a non verbal signal. We are interested in communication with others. Authors say that people who do not have the habit of eye contact. That’s every time while watching a movie or whenever meeting a human. Notice his eye colour. And tell yourself. With which he can develop the habit of eye contact.
- Beam- The third step of the meeting comes Beam. Beam means as soon as you have eye contact with someone. So first you smile. This other person subconsciously registers this thing. that you are not angry with him. You have a pleasant personality.
- Greeting- Now after smiling, when you start talking. You should greet them with a very good tone and energy. To begin your conversation, you should say hello, hello, hello. You also have to pay attention that the better you introduce yourself. Equally well, the person in front will introduce themselves.
(How To Make People Like You Book Summary)
This is also a good time. When you can know their information from the front. For example, if you meet someone and say, Hello. So the person in front will usually give the same reply. Say Hello or Hi. It’ll just be silent again. It can also make both of you uncomfortable.
(How To Make People Like You Book Summary)
But if you speak Hello, my name is Vikas. I am a blogger. Then you will also get such a big reply from the front. Like, my name is Abhay. I am an architect. The better you introduce yourself. The bigger the reply you will get. With the help of which, you can take the matter forward.
- Lean- The fourth step of the meeting is lean. If we bend a little towards someone while talking. So he shows this attitude of ours. That we are interested in talking to another person. But we must try. While meeting Opposite Sex, do this thing with a little thought. Otherwise, its wrong impression can also fall in front of the front. (How To Make People Like You Book Summary)
Establishing Rapport.
This part is the most important of the three parts. That’s the duration of 90 seconds. Where the other person will decide. whether he likes you or not. Rapport is that stage. Where two people become so comfortable with each other. That they get connected with each other, mentally. (How To Make People Like You Book Summary)
For this we understand with an example given in the book. Mark has come to a dinner party. He doesn’t like such a party at all. He’s getting bored at that party, as always. He knows only one accountant in that party. who is sitting far away from him. He is making everyone else in the party laugh.
Then a beautiful girl, whose name is Tanya. Who is wearing a shiny blue dress. Which Mark has also been noticing for a long time. Tanya tells the man who is sitting with Mark. He loves collecting old stamps. (How To Make People Like You Book Summary)
This is the exact hobby of Mark as well. Mark is overjoyed that he has found a reason to talk to Tanya. He talks to Tanya. Tells him about a stamp collection of his old 1940s. He suddenly got such an old stamp. When he was going to New York. Then his car broke down. In this movement, a rapport has formed between Mark and Tanya in less than 90 seconds.
They have a common interest. Which, he’s talking about. The bodies of those people are in perfect synchronization with each other. An average person will not know anything in this movement. How their bodies are sending signals to each other.
But a person who is trained in Neuro Linguistic Programming. He can notice all these signals. As Tanya is smiling. Mark is also smiling in perfect synchronization. Tanya leans slightly towards Mark. Mark is also leaning towards Tanya. The direction in which Tanya is shaking her neck. Mark is also shaking his neck in the same direction.
The eye pupil of both is dilated. When Tanya drinks water. After a while, Mark also automatically drinks the water. In this example, there is a natural rapport between Mark and Tanya. That is, no one intentionally used any Rapport Building Principle for this.
Sometimes it happens that we are not able to like many people. But when we understand the principal of Rapport. So we can intentionally build Rapport with anyone. You can like yourself. (How To Make People Like You Book Summary)
Art of Synchronization.
Synchrony comes first in these principles. As I saw in the example of Mark and Tanya. When a Rapport is formed between two people. So they are in perfect synchronization. That is, their tone of voice, volume of voice, their body language, their facial expressions, even their breaths are in perfect rhythm.
According to the researcher of Neuro Linguistic Programming. If we do all these things like tonality, volume and body language etc. Do synchronization with another human being. (How To Make People Like You Book Summary)
Then we can build the Rapport with them. We also call this mirroring. Like when we start talking to a stranger. So for the first 90 seconds, we have to act as a mirror of him. Now because we do 55% communication through body language. 38% communicate by tone of voice, and only 7% by word. That’s why body language and tone of voice should be our preference. We can easily mirror four things in body language. (How To Make People Like You Book Summary)
- Gestures– If the other person shakes the shoulder while talking. So we also have to shake our shoulders. If he expresses himself by using his hands. So while talking to us too. Using your hand, you have to communicate with him.
- Body Postures– The posture in which the person in front is standing or sitting. We also have to mirror our body posture accordingly. If he has folded his hands. So we have to fold our hands too. If he has put his hands in the pocket. So we also have to carry our hands in our pockets.
- Tilts And Nodes– In which angle does the neck of the person in front of you tilt. mirror him. is the easiest. Just notice that the person next to you is speaking. In which direction the nodes do. Then you have to do the same.
- Facial Expression and Breathing– If a person smiles while talking. So you also have to smile while talking to him. If you’re talking. By enlarging the eyes, gives face expression to be surprised. So we have to do the same. Even the author speaks. If we note someone’s breathing pattern, that he is breathing fast.
(How To Make People Like You Book Summary)
So we can quickly make a Rapport with another person. Now because 38% of communication is audio. So we can mirror audio also. What comes first in audio. He is.
Volume- Suppose that if you are excited, you speak to someone. Brother, how are you? Found it after so many days. Then from there you your friend replies. I’m fine man Then you will feel very strange. Man, what happened to it? Just like when we meet for the first time with a stranger. So we have to bring both our voices in synchrony with his tone of voice. (How To Make People Like You Book Summary)
If he speaks excitedly. Man, a great match is going on. So you can speak. Really man, it was fun. If his voice is low. He says that man, he has set limits in politics too. So you can speak. In fact, the politician cares only for himself. Don’t care about the country. (How To Make People Like You Book Summary)
Apart from this, we can copy the speed of talking of the front. Because slow speaking people do not like fast speaking people. And fast speakers do not like slow speakers. Along with this, we are using his pitch, rhythm even the words he is using again and again. You can copy them too.
Now to many of us, it may seem that in such a way that the person in front of us should not think of it as an idiot. So the author says on this that this is not stupid at all. Because when two human beings are mentally connected in actual. So their body, their voice is naturally in synchronism among themselves. Whereas we have to do this thing intentionally. (How To Make People Like You Book Summary)
Visul, Auditory And Kinesthetic.
In 1970, John Grinder and Richard Bandler, who are the founders of Neuro Linguistic Programming. They notice that we can divide people into three categories. Visual, Auditory and Kinesthetic. Suppose 3 people go to a rock concert. Ram, Shyam and Ghanshyam.
If Ram comes in the visual category. Shyam comes in the auditory category. The same Ghanshyam comes in the Kinesthetic category. So these three people, in this concert, will describe their experiences in a very different manner from each other.
Ram who is visual. Will express his every experience in the form of a picture. Like man, you just had to watch this show. was very good Everyone was jumping here and there. Singer opened his paint in excitement.
Shyam who is the auditory. Will share his experiences in the form of audio. Brother, the music was outstanding. What beats did Drummer give? Everyone was shouting together. were singing. (How To Make People Like You Book Summary)
Finally, Ghanshyam who is Kinesthetic. Will express his experiences in the form of feeling and touch. Like man, what energy. In this concert. How many people were there that there was no space at all. When that singer sang the song of Jubin Nautiyal. Then everyone cried.
In short, people can identify with their vocabulary and the way they talk. In which category do they come? Then accordingly, we can start our conversation. You can make a perfect report with them. That is, you can come in perfect synchrony. (How To Make People Like You Book Summary)
So, this is the short summary of the comfort crisis book. hope you liked it. If you find this informative then also check out some more book summaries like The 5 second rule , The magic of big thinking , Finish book by john acuff, Hooked book summary, Purple Cow Book Summary, Rework (businesses important lessons) etc in my blog section.
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